Huge post so I'll try reply to most with numbers:
1) The rules are very clear, if you share a network avoid trading, the issue is once you trade whilst you are both on that network that when you get in trouble - the reasons for this is simply our detection systems count all items even the little ones, those little ones still add a huge impact on the game - I prove this by Boxing Day 2011 when a bug in the advent calender had a saleback of 1c/5c and could be claimed non stop. I deleted a few Avatars over this bug abuse and fined people as much as 140k.
You can play with your wife, just do not trade with your wife - in-game of course. I have to highlight the importance of this as you do get a warning for it :/ Player harassment is an issue I do agree and whilst the Report Function is there and it is used, it is very hard for a Staff Member to stop it when it is happening if none are online. You should report a player and avoid contact with that player - "defending" yourself only makes things worse and could result in you getting punished too. I will however look into this and contact you if needed. I also agree that the community of Legacy is a poison to itself, anything including the ticket system is made a mockery of by players that think they have a percentage of ownership over the game. I will eventually be making a Main Forum thread about this - so keep your eyes open
Your list is quite... far-fetched so I will happily correct you on it:
* never look at her screen ✘ Never Play on her account, we can't and won't stop you looking.
* never send her ANYTHING. no christmas cards, vday stuff - No nothing ✓ correct
* Dont talk about Legacy or discuss gang stuff ✘ It's a human right - we're no an evil empire.
* No creds - evcvvvvvvverrrrr ✓ correct
* No platinum ✘ You can buy/send Platinum for/to her, you just can't sell or trade platinum for other currencies.
* Dont tell her what's good ✘ It's a human right - we're no an evil empire.
* cant be in WL on same square ✘ Incorrect
* cant actually be in the same gang (wl square issue, favor issue etc.) ✘ Incorrect, We do advise not to favor however.
Once you play with family, rules do get stricter, however if you have moved away then you can always send a trade request and we can tell you if you can again trade, the internet is a huge place - We're asking you to not do 2 things out of the billions you can do.